


down to last

by moonboyacid55



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji X Reader, F/M, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, akaashi keiji - Freeform, akaashixreader, angst maybe, hanahaki, honestly i dont even know, im supposed to write tags to boost my work but i cant think of any, love yall, okay hope you actually enjoy it tho, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26192458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonboyacid55/pseuds/moonboyacid55
Summary: hate summaries anyway- its a bit long but if u like slow stuff then maybe ull like this (?) its a hanahaki fic! <3
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Fem reader, Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Akaashi Keiji/You
Comments: 38
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hii i hope you'll enjoy my fic lol. plus english isnt my first language so im sorry if there are errors. 
> 
> heeeee enjoy!

The beeping of the phone alarm continued for a few more minutes before I finally stirred under the duvet. Reaching out a hand blindly, I felt around for my phone and tapped randomly on the screen until the alarm stopped. 

_1st of May._

The date for today was the first thing I thought of as soon as I was able to think after waking up. I stayed under the duvet for a while, poking my feet out to feel the familiar chilly air of May spring, absent-mindedly thinking about the remaining time I had left.

_2 months. ___

____

With a heart that grew heavier at each passing day, I lazily got out of bed and got ready for school. 

***

The Hanahaki Disease. It was hard to believe something which sounded so fictional to be real- the very cause of the disease couldn't be scientifically proven, after all. The idea of someone having to suffer from a disease that could jeopardize someone's life just for loving a person.. it infuriated me, it absolutely made no sense at all. 

Why did it have to be me?

I woke up one day, approximately at 12 a.m., coughing uncontrollably that made my chest painfully hurt. For the few minutes I had been coughing, I thought I was going to die, seeing the pain was too much for a normal cough or a choke.. until a white petal came out of my mouth. My room was dark at the time, I couldn't see anything except the LED light of my alarm clock and the thin line of light at the bottom of the door.. but the vivid white of a thing on the bed was unmistakably a petal. It _had _to be a petal, even in the dark, it was obvious.__

____

____

That morning, I went back to sleep without moving the petal. Leaving it where it was, I lay back on the bed and checked the date. 

21st of April was the day I first coughed out a petal.

***

The bus dropped me and the rest of the students off in front of the school. Thinking about how I roughly had another 2 months to live, I stared into space while following behind the footsteps of the others. Soft chatters started to fill the air as they talked to each other, until everything slowly turned down to the quietest volume when my eyes fell upon a certain unruly black hair.

Akaashi Keiji was in his jogging clothes, his pace slowing down as he reached the school's entrance. Everyday, he would jog to school- I assumed he went this extra for volleyball, since he was a part of Fukuroudani's team. He'd change into uniform as soon as he reached school, as I always see him going straight for the boy's toilet; by the time I see him around, he was already in his grey blazer and pinstriped blue tie. 

A loud honk jolted me out of my reverie. 'Hey, move it school kid!' A man yelled, who peeked his head out of his car window and shot me an angry look. Everybody was looking at me; giving me weird looks, and I saw Akaashi glancing towards my way, probably because of the commotion. My cheeks slightly tinged red. _Damn you old man, your voice is too loud! _I thought to myself, as I gave a small head bow in apology towards the man and quickly walked into school.__

____

____

***

I got through the first three periods in a daze, my mind wandering back to this morning. _Did Akaashi really saw me? That would be embarrassing, right? As soon as the bell rang for recess, I pushed my books aside and burrowed my face into my arms. _He doesn't know me, though. But holy crap, that was so embarrassing.__

___'Y/N-san!' Himari slapped her hands on the table, making my heart jump. I looked up irritatingly. 'The Math Department just released a list of partners for Class 2-5 and 2-6, you should look who you got partnered with!'_ _ _

_____ _

_____ _

Recently, the Math Department had decided to do a mentor-mentee programme, where students from college preparatory classes (Classes 2-5 and 2-6) would be partners in two and are assigned with 4 mentees from lower classes. It was a hassle, really, as I wasn't good in assigned roles like this especially when it involved teaching. Besides, I had to partner up with someone from Class 2-6, which messed up my mind because I'd be too busy getting intimidated by their intellect. 

'Didn't you look for my name?' I asked as I stood from my seat reluctantly. 

'I tried, but there were too many people around the board.' Himari grinned and patted me on the back. 'Let's eat together when you're done!'

I walked out and saw a crowd around the board, all of them gawking in excitement. A few of the girls at the back stood on tiptoes to see past the heads in front of them. I waited for a while until the crowd thinned, and I carefully searched for my name. 

_Ah, that's my name.. _My eyes glazed over carefully over the thin row to the name next to mine. _Akaashi Keiji (Class 2-6) _. My heart did an aggressive flip, and I had to hold my chest for a moment. I read over my name multiple times, more carefully this time, to make sure I was reading the right row. _That's definitely my name, or am I reading it wrong? The name next to mine... _I began to doubt the spelling of my name, even though on the paper it was clearly mine.______

'Y/N-san from Class 2-5,' a voice appeared behind me, and I turned around quickly; distracted from the previous shock. Akaashi was standing in front of me, his blue eyes expressionless as ever. 'You're paired with me, right?'

'Ah,' I responded, my mind in panic. 'Yes, you must be Akaashi Keiji.'

He held out a hand. 'Nice to meet you, I'll be in your care.'

I took his hand and shook it. 'Y-you too! I'll do my best.' 

He let go of my hand, and gave me a small smile before walking away towards his class.

The heat from his hand was still lingering on mine, and as I stared after him, I felt the familiar tug in my chest. I began coughing.

***


	2. chapter two

As soon as school ended, I headed straight to the teacher's office to discuss a few things with my club's advisor. It took longer than I had expected, but then again, I should've expected it since Sensei liked to dive into unrelated things and his mouth technically ran non-stop, so I asked Himari to leave first. Twenty minutes later, I was finally walking towards the gate. 

Once again, for the hundredth time, my mind strayed to when I had talked to Akaashi this morning. After that conversation, I barely paid any attention to the lessons after that. As much as I had my mind wandered to that short-lived euphoric moment, I had also went to the toilet just as much to cough up white petals. Everyday was a constant battle with myself to hold myself back from coughing too much in class, because the multiple excuses between classes were driving my classmates to suspicions. 

Lately, the white petals came out with small stems and thorns, which may be the reason I had been coughing up speckles of blood as well. Clearly it was a sign that the disease was getting worse. Of course, I hadn't told anyone, not even Himari. The hatred I have for the disease was a personal thing, which somehow made it harder for me to reveal my condition to anyone else. If I were to be completely honest with myself.. I don't think I wanted any cure. 

A honk drove me out of my thoughts, as someone roughly jerked my arm backwards at the same time. The car screeched to a halt, and a man's head popped out of the window. 

'Stupid kid-' he was about to yell when our eyes met. 'It's you again! The girl from this morning! Do ya have a death wish or something? Keep your eyes on the road will ya?' He eyed me angrily- practically fuming- but popped his head inside again and drove away.

My heart was racing from the shock. _Tch, who the hell drives that fast at a school area, anyway?_

__'Y/N, are you okay?' The hand that was holding me from before pulled away. I looked up at Akaashi, his eyebrows furrowed, probably wondering why I was walking straight into the street with a speeding car._ _

____

____

'Thank you.. I would've gotten hit if it wasn't for you,' I said, feeling a bit embarrassed at my obliviousness. 

'Yeah, be careful next time, kid.' Another voice said, and a tall third year appeared next to Akaashi. He peered down at me with an amused face, his faint yellow eyes glinting with a little too much energy. I inched away slightly. 

'Kid?' I asked, more to myself. 

'Bokuto-san, she's a second year.' Akaashi said dully, while pulling him away from me by the elbow. 'Y/N, since we're partners now, can I have your number? We might need to contact each other often.'

My eyes widened, but I quickly hid my expression as soon as it came. I took out my phone from my pocket and handed it to him. 'You can put your number on my phone and I'll text you. Actually.. I recently changed my number so I don't remember what it was.' He took the phone from my hand as I looked away, trying to hide the creeping redness on my cheeks. 

'Akaashi! I didn't know you had it in you!' The third year patted his back, looking back and forth between me and Akaashi, who ignored him as he pressed buttons on my phone. He held his hand out to me, grinning excitedly. _He's too smiley. I feel blinded. _'Heya, I'm Bokuto. Fukuroudani's ace!'__

____

____

I took his hand gingerly and we shook. My arm felt like it was about to fall off from the energy. 'Fukuroudani's ace?' I asked as I took my hand away with a pained expression. He must've been in the volleyball team with Akaashi, because I would sometimes see him around the volleyball gym during PE. I knew those yellow eyes and white hair were somehow familiar. 

'Well, yeah. I'm the wing spiker and team captain of the volleyball team.' He put his hands on his waist and smiled proudly, raising his eyebrow as if expecting me to know the entirety of the team.

'Bokuto-san, not everybody knows us,' Akaashi said, handing me back my phone. 'Or volleyball.'

'Come to our practices sometime!' Bokuto said as his eyes followed my phone. 'Can I have your number, too?'

Akaashi put a hand out in front of Bokuto and pushed him away. 'Thanks, Y/N. We'll be going now. See you tomorrow.' He gave a small smile and walked away; pulling Bokuto by the sleeves, who for some reason refused to leave.

I gave a little wave as they left, the tall third year looking back at me and flashing a grin. Touching my arm at which just a few minutes ago Akaashi had touched me, I looked at the ground. The phone in my pocket felt strangely heavy. This.. really hurts. I should be feeling happy right now, but why did my heart feel so burdened? 

Why did it have to be me?

As I stood frozen at the middle of the road, I coughed out another white petal.

I watched it fell to the ground.

***

That night, I texted Akaashi after proof-reading the text for the hundredth time. I pressed send eventually, my heart beating erratically as I threw myself on the bed. He didn't reply until 4 hours later, when I was getting on the bed to sleep.

The phone buzzed and the screen lit up.

_Akaashi Keiji: Sorry, my phone was out. But thanks for the number, Y/N. ___

____

I smiled to myself as I read his text over and over. He sounded exactly like he does in real life. I didn't know what I expected really, but I guess his politeness never goes away. After a while, there was the familiar tug at my chest, the pain slowly expanding until I began to cough. 

White petals dropped on the floor. 

As I pulled the duvet over me and went to sleep, I wondered what Akaashi likes that makes the petals white.

***

The next morning, I barely had my eyes opened when I crossed paths with Akaashi at the school gate. I bore the embarrassment of still having my ribbon untied and wearing one sock; while holding the other, with all the self-dignity I had left.

'Y/N, good morning.' As usual, he was wearing his jogging fit with a backpack at his back. _How does he jog with books in his bag? Couldn't be me, I mused depressingly._

__'Good morn-' I froze as he suddenly reached out a hand towards my face. He pulled out a white petal stuck between my hair (which I had not seen at all before going out), accidentally brushing the tip of his knuckles against my neck. I shuddered, wincing away slightly at his touch._ _

____

____

'Sorry,' he must've seen the startled look on my face. 'There's a petal in your hair.' He smiled faintly, as if suppressing a chuckle. 'Why is there-'

I took the petal between his fingers and crushed it into my pocket. 'Must've been the flowers at my house!' Panicking, I quickly said goodbye to him and walked away without waiting for an answer. There was no chance he would know that I had the Hanahaki disease, but having him hold the petal that was caused _by _him made me feel uncomfortable. I walked to class with my thoughts in disarray, fidgeting the petal in my pocket until it was crushed into small pieces.__

____

____

***


	3. chapter three

I went straight home after school that day, completely forgetting the fact that Akaashi and I have to take the worksheets for the mentees from the teacher's office. The last lesson had dragged on for another 10 minutes, which irritated me until I hadn't think of anything else but going home. As soon as I reached home, I threw myself onto the bed and slept for an hour, which only felt like a few minutes when I heard my mom waking me up. 

'Hey, a friend of yours is waiting for you outside.' 

_Friend? _I thought hazily from the sleep that was still clinging onto me. As I walked downstairs, I hastily straightened out my crumpled shirt and skirt, forgetting that my hair was now a mess. I opened the door to see Akaashi standing right in front of me, holding a sheet of papers in one hand and his bag in the other. Surprised, I walked outside bare-footed and closed the door behind me.__

__'Akaashi! What are you doing here?' I asked, my eyes darting back and forth between his bag and the sheets of paper. 'Are you from school? Most importantly, how did you even get here?'_ _

__He handed me the sheets he was holding. 'I asked Himari for your address.. I hope you don't mind.' Akaashi looked away, his face slightly embarrassed._ _

__'Ah, that's totally fine.' I said hurriedly as I took the papers: the worksheets. _Crap, I totally forgot about these. He probably thinks I'm a nuisance now. _'Did you come all the way just to give me these? I'm sorry, I can't believe I forgot about them.'___ _

____'It's okay.' He waved his hand as if it was nothing. I saw his eyes moved to my hair. 'Did I wake you up from sleep? I'm sorry about that.'_ _ _ _

____Akaashi took a step closer and patted my hair, straightening them left and right. 'It's messy.' He added under his breath, but he was close enough for me to hear it._ _ _ _

____I froze, hoping that the redness in my cheeks would not show. If it weren't for Akaashi standing in front of me, I would've died from embarrassment hearing him say that my hair was messy._ _ _ _

____'Since we're both here anyway, do you want to do the worksheets together?' Akaashi asked casually, obviously unaware of the sudden spike of my heartbeat that came with the question. I gripped the sheets nervously, feeling the oncoming cough that was about to come._ _ _ _

____'Y-yeah, of course-' I started coughing, and I quickly put my hand over my mouth._ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____Mom gave permission for me to bring Akaashi into my room, which I was grateful for because I wouldn't want my mom to start asking questions. We were at the bottom of the stairs when mom spoke._ _ _ _

____'Ah! Are you Y/N's boyf-'_ _ _ _

____I grabbed his hand and walked upstairs in a hurry as I shouted, 'We'll be in my room!'_ _ _ _

____Akaashi looked at me as I led him upstairs. 'Is it okay that I didn't introduce myself?'_ _ _ _

____'Haha!' I laughed nervously. 'Not to worry.' Realizing I was holding his hand, I let it go quickly, hoping that I wouldn't start coughing suddenly._ _ _ _

____We entered my room, secretly relieved that I had cleaned it before. I took out a small portable table and set it in the middle of the room; we both sat down and placed the sheets on the table. We began doing our separate worksheets in silence, my eyes glancing to Akaashi once in a while. I had to go to the bathroom a few times as soon as I felt like I was about to cough. Akaashi looked concerned every time I had to leave, asking me if I was sick when I came back._ _ _ _

____It was understandable that it looked weird to have me excuse myself to the bathroom so many times, and it'd be embarrassing if he thought that I just had to relieve myself that many times. Was my coughing suspicious? Akaashi's smart, so I hope he hadn't gone too far off thinking about Hanahaki._ _ _ _

____After an hour, I asked him if he wanted any drinks or snacks. Maybe I should've asked him when he first came, though.._ _ _ _

____'Ah,' he said to himself, and reached for something in his bag. He took out a few packets of onigiri of assorted flavours and placed them on the table in a displaying manner. 'I got them on the way here.. I love onigiri. Do you want some?'_ _ _ _

____'You like onigiri?' I repeated quietly, more to myself._ _ _ _

____'Mm,' he replied as he opened a packet and munched it. He opened another one and offered it to me._ _ _ _

____I accepted and ate it, watching as Akaashi continued doing the worksheet but holding the onigiri with the other hand. The petals were white because he liked onigiri... the thought amazed me as if the last puzzle piece had been connected. I recalled from my basic knowledge of the disease was that the colour of the petals the victims coughed out were based on their love interest's favourites. It could be anything, from colours to pretty much everything else._ _ _ _

____He likes onigiri.. that was really cute._ _ _ _

____'What's wrong?' Akaashi's voice broke me out of my stare._ _ _ _

____'So do you want any drinks?' I quickly asked, trying to save me from my embarrassment as I readied myself to stand up._ _ _ _

____'That's not necessary,' he smiled and pulled me back down. 'I don't want to trouble you.. let's just eat onigiri and finish these sheets. We're almost done.'_ _ _ _

____We continued then, with small conversations in between. He told me a few things about volleyball (mostly rants about Bokuto), the team members and some of the positions in volleyball. I could tell that Akaashi was asking me questions just to balance the conversation, but I didn't answer much, and he must've figured out that I wasn't comfortable yet to talk about me, so he continued talking about volleyball._ _ _ _

____It wasn't that I was uncomfortable.. I got awkward the second he asked me things, so I ended up giving short answers. God, I hope I didn't bore him. Instead, I enjoyed listening to him talk with his pleasant voice._ _ _ _

____After a few hours, it was time for Akaashi to leave. He let me have the last two onigiris, said goodbye to me, thanked my mom and left._ _ _ _

____I sat with my mom for a while and talked, deciding that I should just get this over with rather than having her bring it up over dinner when dad will be there. She asked me a lot of things about Akaashi, in which almost all of them I couldn't answer since I didn't know him that well yet._ _ _ _

____'What? You let someone you don't really know into your room?' She looked disappointed, more to the fact that I denied when she asked if he was my boyfriend._ _ _ _

____'You were the one who gave me permission!'_ _ _ _

____'He's so handsome, though...' she thought to herself, and I excused myself. When I got to my room, I saw a grey blazer on the floor._ _ _ _

____I quickly took it, suddenly feeling embarrassed as if I was touching Akaashi. He must've forgotten it when he took it off. 'Nevermind, I'll just pass this to him tomorrow..'_ _ _ _

____My phone buzzed._ _ _ _

_____Akaashi Keiji: Y/N, thanks for letting me come over and helped me with the worksheets. ____ _ _ _

_______You: Ah, it's no big deal! By the way, you left your blazer in my room. ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________Akaashi Keiji: Oh, right. Can you bring it tomorrow? I'll come to your class. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________You: Sure. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. chapter four

The next day at school, I went to his class as soon as the bell rang for recess but he was already gone.

'Akaashi? He probably went to the volleyball gym. He left with some third year.' One of his classmates told me.

The cafeteria was on the way to the gym anyway, so I decided to hand him his blazer then have my break after. As I arrived in front of the gym, I saw two third years walking towards me.

One of them was Bokuto, next to him was a guy with dirty-blonde hair that covered the sides and middle of his face. They stopped in front of me, the other guy giving me an amused look with hands behind his head.

'Y/N-chan!' Bokuto said excitedly. 'Are you here to watch our practice?'

'Practice?' I asked, wondering why they had practice during recess.

'Yeah, but only the third years since we had permission, so Akaashi isn't joining.'

'Is Akaashi here?' I asked, knowing that if I try to peek around them it would be futile, since they were both so tall and big.

'This is Y/N? Bokuto talks about you to me all the time.' the dirty-blonde hair guy spoke for the first time, his pretty eyes staring into mine. 

All the time? We met like, once. Maybe he was telling him about how I tried to walk into a speeding car. I cursed to myself mentally.

'Oh, yeah, right.' Bokuto replied as if I couldn't hear them.

He extended a hand towards me. 'I'm Konoha. I'm also in the volleyball team.'

I shook his hand, slightly embarrassed at the sudden introduction I had to make with a third year as I avoided his gaze. He didn't let go of my hand, instead keeping his stare on my darting eyes. 

'Um...' I said awkwardly.

'Anyway, Y/N-chan, about your number. Can Konoha have it? Actually, can I have it too?' Bokuto leaned towards me, his hands in his pocket.

I leaned away slightly, one foot stepping behind. 'Uh, Bokuto-san-' I began.

'What are you guys doing?' Akaashi appeared behind them and pushed them away in the middle. Our hands parted and I heard Konoha grunted. 

'Akaashi! We were going to exchange numbers. We wanted to get to know each other, right?' Bokuto looked at me for confirmation, but I was too confused at the pace of the situation to say anything.

'Konoha-san, you were hitting on her.' Akaashi said bluntly with an indifferent face. 'Stop it, you two. You're making her uncomfortable.'

He walked towards me, ignoring the two third years who started to walk back into the gym, muttering to each other sulkily. 'Y/N, why are you all the way here?'

'Oh,' I handed him his blazer. 'I was on my way to the cafeteria anyway...'

'I told you I'll come to your class. Thank you for bringing it here. Have you had your lunch?' He asked as he took the blazer and wore it.

'No, actually, I'm going now-'

'You can eat with us, we're eating right now. Bokuto-san would probably be so happy if you joined.'

'What's up with that senpai...' I mused, not realizing that I had said it out loud.

Akaashi laughed, his lazy, cat-like eyes turning into almost a straight line as his shoulders shook. For a moment, I was stuck in time, staring dazedly at him. My heart accelerated, and a small smile was forming on my lips unconsciously until he looked at me in the eyes, snapping me out of my brief trance. 

'Bokuto-san is fond of you for some reason.. come eat with us-' He took my hand and at that instant, my chest tightened forcefully and I started coughing violently. 'Y/N-'

I pushed his hand away and left abruptly. Tears were forming in my eyes, making my vision blurry as I hurried towards the bathroom. Slamming the stall door behind me, I coughed out so much petals than I've had before, blood splattering on the floor. I painfully gasped for breath as I steadied myself with my hands on the walls. 

'Why...' I sobbed to myself, hoping that there were no one else in the bathroom. 'Why does it hurt so much?'

I stayed in the stall until break was over, waiting for another ten minutes so that the school would be empty by the time I got out. I apologized to Sensei as I stepped into class late, taking my seat with a throbbing chest. 

***

'Y/N!' I heard Akaashi calling after me. For the first time, I wished Akaashi would leave right now. I think my coughing fit had gotten worse, and probably would in the future, and I don't think I was in any condition to bear it again if it happens right now. He caught up to me, panting for breath. 'I'll go home with you.'

'What? You don't need to do that! My house is far-'

'It's okay. I actually need to stop by a convenience store on the way.' He adjusted the bag on his shoulder 'Are you... doing okay?'

'Oh,' I mumbled. 'Sorry I pushed you..'

The bus arrived right then, and we boarded it together. The convenience store was only 5 minutes away by bus, and we quickly got off at the next stop as a crowd of people got in. He told me to wait outside as he went inside the store, so I stood by a tree idly, staring vacantly at the streets. After a few minutes, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Akaashi handed me a plastic bag from the store. 'It's a cough syrup, make sure to take it.'

'You went all the way here just to get me this?' My heart bloomed at his thoughtfulness, but feeling guilty all the same. 'I can get it myself, you know..'

'But you wouldn't,' he said as I took the plastic bag, and we headed towards the bus stop again. 'Your coughing got worse.. so I don't think you took any medicine, did you?'

I stuffed the plastic bag into my bag, knowing full well that I wouldn't take it anyway, because there was nothing a cough syrup could do to cure my disease. I thought about this guiltily, thinking maybe I should get him something to return his wasted money in a way.

We sat at the bus stop waiting for the next bus en route to my house. The bus he was going to board came first, though, but he refused to take it until I got on mine first. It drove away without anyone getting in.

'You're too kind, Akaashi...' I muttered, heart beating fast all the same.

We talked for another ten minutes until Akaashi suddenly leaned in closer, making me tense my shoulders. Without warning, he pulled out a petal from my hair. 

'There's a petal in your hair, again.' He put it inside the pocket of his blazer before I could take it from him, remembering that I had took it out of his hand before. I tried to hide the panic in my eyes, since he was very quick on reading people's emotions. Our eyes met, and for a split second a sudden realization dawned on him. My heart skipped a beat.

Did he figure it out?

'Hey... are you-' He began when the bus screeched to a halt in front of us. I quickly slung my bag and gave Akaashi a little head bow, saying goodbye and practically ran into the bus before he could say anything. 

As I took my seat and the bus began to move, I stared blankly outside, feeling my heart beat unusually hard that it felt like it was clenching my chest; nervous at the thought of Akaashi finding out the truth about me. 

He didn't figure it out... did he?

***


	5. chapter five

I had been avoiding Akaashi for a few days. The mentor-mentee program had started a while ago, but I haven't been attending once as I always asked for excuses from the nurse's office; which surprisingly, they always permitted me a slip. They examined me for a while and said that my coughing was quite serious, and had even asked me to refer to a hospital. Until then, they would keep giving me slips but it only applied for the mentor-mentee program since it was just a one hour slot.

For classes, I still had to go. I left school quickly as to not bump into Akaashi, so he hadn't been able to pass me the work from the program directly. Instead, Himari had been passing the work to me, asking me why I hadn't been going to the program and just meet Akaashi for the work. Deep inside, I was somehow certain that he had figured out the truth about me.. I just couldn't bear the embarrassment of him having find out that I liked him.

Dismounting the bus at the bus stop, I walked wearily towards my house. I could barely concentrate on my classes these days, always thinking of where I should go next to completely avoid being seen by Akaashi. Of course, I felt guilty for staying away from him without a proper explanation, but I couldn't exactly bear the humiliation either. Imagine talking to him now when he already knew-

'Y/N!' Someone grabbed my wrist, and I turned around in surprise. Akaashi was bent over, hand on his knee, panting for breaths.

I took my hand away from him, legs frozen in place. You've got to be kidding me! 'W-what are you doing here?'

He wiped the sweat off his forehead, straightened himself and handed me a file. 'Worksheets from the program.'

'Oh,' I said awkwardly, knowing that he was probably aware that I had been avoiding him all this time. I took the file, mortified at myself. 'You could've just given this to Himari-'

'I know. I had been all this time,' he cut me off. I might've been imagining it, but did his voice get serious? I tugged at my sleeves uncomfortably, looking down at the ground. 'Why aren't you looking at me?'

I avoided his question with another question. 'Why did you come all the way here?'

'So I was right, you had been avoiding me.' Akaashi ignored my question. He went quiet for a while, and I saw he shoved his hands into his pockets. 'Did I do something wrong at the bus stop?'

My heart stopped for a second, and I was filled with dread from head to toe. Feeling like he was going to bring up about the Hanahaki disease (I'm a hundred percent convinced now that he knew), I quickly rambled on. 'Ah- no, nothing's wrong! I mean, you didn't do anything, obviously. Look, thanks for bringing these to me but you can just pass it on to Himari- or, anyone from my class, really- so I'll be going now-'

I turned to walked to my house when he reached for my wrist again.

'Whatever it is that I did, could you please tell me?' Akaashi asked, our eyes meeting now that I didn't have time to pull away from his pull. 'I'm sure I was wrong.. but I feel like it's unfair that you had been skipping the program just to avoid me. The students under us is your responsibility, too.'

I immediately felt worse, thinking at what Akaashi had said was true. He shouldn't have been attending the programs alone, since I was a part of it too. In the end, I was being selfish without realizing that it may have affected more than just one person.. but then again, I couldn't just tell him that I was avoiding him because of the disease.

'I'm sorry.' I said quietly, finally tearing my eyes from his. 'You're right..'

'Were you upset because I took out that petal from your hair?' He asked, making my breath hitch in my throat. Before I could shape up a reply, he continued. 'I'm sorry, I should've known you were uncomfortable. It wasn't the first time I did it, after all.'

'Wait-' I looked up, perplexed at his genuine response. So he didn't know?

'I apologize for making you uncomfortable. I won't even point it out, next time.' He smiled cautiously, waiting for my response.

'T-that's totally fine,' I hesitated, still trying to process the fact that I had been overthinking all this time. I decided to just let it be than coming up with a pathetic excuse. 'You don't have to be sorry!' Guilty at his apology for something he didn't do, I cringed at myself.

'You won't avoid me again, will you?'

I gave him a small smile, braving myself to look him in the eyes. Now that we were on speaking terms again, I forgot how comfortable and reassuring it was to be in his vicinity. 'I'm sorry for leaving all the work to you. I promise I'll get it done by tonight.'

Akaashi smiled, making my chest clench all too familiarly.

'Well.. I'll be going now.' He said goodbye and walked away, as I waved stupidly behind him even though he couldn't see me.

The clench at my chest was getting tighter, forcing me to cough. I cupped my hands over my mouth and quickly ran towards my house, coughing uncontrollably and leaving falling petals in my trail.

***


	6. chapter 6

Even though the daily coughing reminded me of the disease and my impending death, gradually I had stopped looking at the calendar and counting down the days until 21st July. The times I had spent with Akaashi made me forget about my inevitable deadline, and the coughing doesn't worry me anymore. We became good friends overtime, and he even came to my house a couple of times to work together on things regarding the program.

It was only until I absent-mindedly stared at the whiteboard, the date written across at the top right corner: 25th June. Counting mentally, albeit with slight difficulty, I figured I had less than a month left to live. Although at first I had no intention on telling my feelings to Akaashi.. but I had decided to confess the day before my last. I felt like now that we were friends, I owe him a confession before I actually die. 

'Hey!' Himari knocked my table, pulling me out of my thoughts. She sat at the edge of the table, frowning down on me. 'Class ended minutes ago. You okay?'

'Oh,' I closed the textbook in front of me. 'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'The class is planning to go to the Tokyo Festival together. You want to come?' She grinned excitedly, clapping her hands. 

'The date is announced already?' I asked in surprise, absolutely forgetting about the annual Tokyo summer festival. Usually by now I would've planned on getting matching yukata with mom, but I guess the last month had occupied me so much with what had been going on until I forgot about the festival completely.

'Yeah, 10th of July. Aren't you also close with the smart guy from class 2-6?' she asked suddenly, raising an eyebrow. 'Maybe you should go with him.' 

'Why would I do that?' I asked a bit too fast, obviously flustered. 

'Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get the wrong vibe from you guys? I don't know, I thought you guys were interested in each other or something considering how much time you've spent together.'

'We just meet and talk for the program thing.' I muttered, resting my chin on my palm. 

'Are you sure that is all there is to it? You're so transparent, dude. You totally like him, don't you? Or at least, some sort of feelings.' She said casually, pulling an empty chair from the table in front of mine, turned it towards me and sat. 

'No, please leave. I'm not having a conversation about this.' I groaned, burying my face in my arms. 

'Oh, come on! Just ask him out to the festival. It doesn't have to be a date, just ask him to go together.' Himari pressed on, tapping my head. 

I peeked from my arms. 'He is probably going with the volleyball team.'

'So?' She said, mimicking me so that her face leveled with mine. 'Aren't you close with the volleyball boys? Well, at least with the white-haired third year. He's like, practically obsessed with you-'

'He's not obsessed with me.' I groaned desperately. 'He's just way too energetic at everything.'

'Okay, well, my point is that the boys know you. Surely they don't mind you tagging along.'

'I don't know about that.' I murmured, burrowing my face into my arms once again. 

'You didn't deny about liking him, though.' I heard her stood, placing back the chair to its place. 'He looks really nice, just try asking him. If he says no, you can still go with me, anyway.'

I heard her leave, patting my head as she walked by. 

It would be nice to see the fireworks with him.

***

I walked out of school with Himari, but she jabbed me at the side as soon as we saw Akaashi walking a few metres in front of us. 

'Stop that,' I swatted her hand away in annoyance, flinching at the tickle.

'You should go ahead. See you tomorrow, Y/N!' I reached for her wrist but she quickly dodged, gave a little wave and sprinted up ahead. I rolled my eyes in frustration and looked at Akaashi who was getting further away. 

Okay, well, this should be easy. Clenching my fists, I ran towards him with small steps, my heartbeat growing out of control at every closing distance. 'Akaashi!' I called out when he was close enough for him to hear. 

Both him and Bokuto turned around simultaneously, stopping in their tracks. 

'Y/N-chan!' Bokuto exclaimed happily, stretched out his arms and stepped forwards to hug me but Akaashi quickly pulled him back by his blazer.

'Hey, Y/N.' Akaashi said, his hand still gripping on Bokuto's blazer. Bokuto pouted, looking between Akaashi and I back and forth, but he was ultimately ignored. I sent a sorry smile towards his way before turning back to Akaashi. 

'So I was thinking-'

'Oh!' Bokuto suddenly yelled. The students passing by slightly jumped at the yell, and looked at Bokuto with frowned faces. Akaashi crossed his arms and looked away, trying to hold back his irritation. 'Y/N-chan, you should come to the summer festival with us. Wouldn't that be fun, Akaashi?'

Akaashi looked startled, and gave me a worried look. 'Bokuto-san,' he hesitated. 'I'm sure she already has plans with someone else-'

'No!' I interrupted. 'I mean, no, I haven't planned anything with anyone yet. I'll go with you guys.'

They both looked at me in surprise, probably weren't expecting me to agree so quickly. Bokuto grinned slowly.

'I mean, if you're okay with it..' I added awkwardly, feeling small under their gazes.

'Of course we are!' Bokuto stepped forwards to reattempt another hug, but Akaashi pulled him back once again. 

'That'd be great.' Akaashi said, his lips forming a smile.

'Since we're on the topic,' Bokuto said. 'Y/N-chan, we should get matching yukata-'

'The bus is here. You should get going.' Akaashi stepped aside, allowing me to walk. 

I hesitated at Bokuto's sad face after being stopped by Akaashi many times, so I squeezed his hand quickly before waving them goodbye. 

I pulled out my phone to text Himari after getting on the bus. 

You: It wasn't so bad.

A few minutes later, my phone lit up.

Himari: You mean he said yes?!

I smiled to myself and put my phone away, the butterflies in my stomach had not yet settle down. 

Fireworks with him, huh.

***

I had been coughing more violently and frequently these past few weeks, maybe because my time was getting nearer. The petals I coughed out were no longer just single petals, instead, they were forming into a flower now. The flowers were half-formed, so I figured in another two weeks I would be coughing proper flowers. 

The thought of dying hadn't bothered me even in the slightest, as I was just thinking of spending the most out of whatever time I had left with Akaashi and my family. 

I was slowly coming to terms with the fact that I had the disease, even though it was painful having to know you will most likely die for loving someone, rather than the person loving you back. It was tragic, but if it meant falling for someone like Akaashi.. I think my death is beautiful. 

***


	7. chapter seven

My mom and I were standing in front of the mirror, her fixing my yukata despite it being perfectly fine already. While mom was fussing over my yukata, I admired the design we had chosen together; I specifically asked for white since I wanted to match the colour of the Hanahaki flowers. There wasn't a completely white one, so I chose with a few scattered cherry blossoms across the clothe. 

'I'm sorry I couldn't go with you this year.' I said as she fixed the yukata at the waist. Mom had insisted on doing my hair up into an updo, like what people usually do to pair with the yukata outfit, but I refused since I hated the hairstyle so much. 

'Don't be so sorry. I bet you're all excited about going with Akaashi.' Mom gave me a sly grin through the mirror, poking at my blushing cheeks. 'Besides, it's not like I'm not going with Dad.'

She caressed my hair before smiling and went out of my room. I put on a few pearly hair-clips, then looked at myself one last time before leaving the house. I didn't put much on my face except some liquid glitter at the corners of my eyes, and red tint on my lips. The festival was at night, anyway, so I doubt anyone could see anything on my face at all but still.. why did I even bother?

I said goodbye to both of my parents and went out for the bus stop when I yelled. My back hit the gate of my house for reversing in panic, my terrified eyes locking with another. 

'W-what?' I breathed unevenly through my racing heartbeat. My eyes adjusted to the guy standing a few metres away from me. 'Akaashi? Seriously, what are you doing here?'

He was standing outside my house, most of his tall figure silhouetted by the darkness and the rest lit by a dim lamp post nearby. Akaashi stepped out into the light, looking concerned.

'I'm sorry, did I scare you?' He walked towards me slowly with his hands out.

'Well, yeah, but seriously, what're you doing here?' 

He was wearing a blue yukata, contrasting his blue eyes even in the dark. 'I thought about going to the festival with you.'

'Oh?' I said, surprised and obviously flattered. 'You should've texted me! How long have you been waiting out here?'

'Yeah, it was just in a whim sort of decision.. we should go now. Bokuto-san and the others are waiting for us.'

'The others?' I asked, feeling suddenly conscious.

'Yeah, the volleyball team.'

'Right, of course.' I fidgeted with my fingers at the thought of Konoha, feeling somehow nervous after our first encounter. He talked to me a few times after that around school, in which every single time I would awkwardly respond. It wasn't that I didn't like him.. he just made me super nervous every time I looked at his pretty eyes- making me lose all train of thoughts. Plus, he was a third-year so I felt uncomfortable every time people look at us weird when we talked. 

'You look pretty, Y/N.' Akaashi suddenly said as we walked away from my house. 

'T-thanks,' I stuttered, his unexpected compliment breaking my thoughts. 'You look pretty, too.'

'Hm?'

'I-I mean your eyes! Your eyes are pretty.' I stopped in my tracks. 'Ah, I mean not just your eyes, obviously, you look really nice just.. overall.' I added awkwardly, wanting to go back to my house and hide under my blanket. 

Akaashi smiled but didn't say anything. 

We boarded the bus which came as soon as we arrived at the bus stop, and fifteen minutes later we reached the festival. 

A group of tall guys were standing near the entrance, waving at us. One of them was waving with both of his hands, jumping up and down. 

'Bokuto-san..' I muttered, feeling already drained from the energy he was radiating from far away. As we approached them, I stayed a little behind Akaashi so they didn't surround both of us. I didn't know them well enough, after all, just a few small greetings every time we accidentally meet at school. 

'Oh, look!' Bokuto walked towards me excitedly. 'We're both wearing white!' He engulfed me in a bear hug, which Akaashi didn't stop this time, and my face was suffocated in his chest. He pulled away which messed up my hair. 

'Hi, Y/N-chan.' Konoha appeared next to me, waving a bit. He reached out a hand and moved my hair out of my face. 'Sorry about that.'

I stupidly blushed, and before I could say anything, I felt Akaashi reaching for my wrist. 'Is everybody here? Let's go.'

All of us walked inside, and a few minutes later he let go of my hand. 

***

We sat on a mat one of the team members brought, all of us facing the fireworks show that was about to begin in a few minutes. We placed plastic bags of food in front of us, eating and chatting together- well, mostly just the boys laughing loudly. They talked to me occasionally, trying to get to know me, which I instantly felt small under their gazes so I ended up giving short replies. 

I munched on my takoyaki, switching with Akaashi's yakisoba in between as we were sharing our food. I wonder if mom and dad were here already.

'It's about to start!' Bokuto grinned, and all of us looked at the night sky, waiting for the fireworks to set off. 

For a few minutes, all of us went quiet and waited with anticipation until the fireworks finally set off. The booming and crackling of the fireworks wafted over us, making me flinch in surprise. 

The shapes and lights of multiple fireworks firing off at once illuminated the sky, leaving everyone in awe and in a trance. I looked over at Akaashi who was sitting next to me; he had both of his hands behind him, propping him up as he looked at the sky in silence. The lights from the fireworks reflected in his eyes- making them glitter in the dark. I saw a smile forming on his lips. For a moment, I couldn't hear the fireworks anymore. I couldn't hear anything but the beating of my heart and the silence enveloping me and the person in front of me. 

Akaashi turned his head and our eyes locked. 

The sounds returned back to normal.

'Your eyes... are really pretty.' I blurted out, feeling the familiar hotness creeping up my cheeks.

He smiled and slowly leaned closer, reaching out a hand to my face. 

Is he.. going to kiss me?, I thought shamelessly. 

He pulled out a white flower stuck on my hair- probably from before when I excused myself to the bathroom to cough. 'Oh?' He examined the flower, probably forgetting the fact that he promised he wouldn't do it anymore. 'Usually it'd be petals. You're bringing whole flowers with yourself now.' He laughed, and gently tucked the flower behind my ear. 'It matches with your yukata.'

Of course not.. why did I even think he would kiss me?

'Y/N?' Akaashi suddenly looked concerned, straightening himself. 'Why are you crying?'

'I'm not..' I wiped my cheeks, and sure enough, they were wet. The familiar clench at my chest started to rise. 'I'm going to the toilet.'

Quickly, I wore my sandals and walked away as fast as I could. I furiously wiped my tears away, scolding myself for crying suddenly in front of him. Why was I disappointed back there? Why is it that I always secretly expected something from him.. when I know he would never see me the way I see him?

Of course he wouldn't kiss me.. I'll die alone, after all. It had always been that way.

***


	8. chapter eight

It had been twenty minutes since I left them, now just walking around the food and game stalls aimlessly. Debating whether I should just text Akaashi that I was going back early, or return to them, my finger hovered over the send button. My chest still hurt from the coughing, and my throat was extremely dry. 

Suddenly, my phone rang. 

Akaashi Keiji.

I stared at my phone for a few seconds before picking it up reluctantly. 

'Y/N? Where are you?' Akaashi's voice sounded worried. There were chatters in the background, and I heard some of them saying my name. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I told you I was going to the toilet.' I said casually, trying to sound normal with my blocked nose after crying. 

'It's just.. you were gone for a long time.' There was a brief pause. 'The fireworks show ended, and we're thinking of walking around for a bit. Do you want to go home now? I can walk you-'

'No, it's okay.. my parents are here.' I think. 'I'll go back with them. Thanks for tonight, Akaashi.'

He said something that I didn't pay attention to, because I was close to crying again. After ending the call, I walked straight to the exit and decided to just head home. I thought I was over it.. but loving someone really hurts if I had to endure the pain that Hanahaki had to give.

I waited at the lonely bus stop, wishing that the bus would arrive faster. There was nobody else in the vicinity of the bus stop, since it was still early for anyone to go back home. The festival was only just getting started, after all. 

I gathered my yukata so it wouldn't hit the dirty floor. A few minutes passed as I stared at the streets blankly, thinking of nothing in particular as my heart grew heavier from the night's event. As the silence steadily settled over me, I felt the loneliness from separating from the boys began to dawn on me. From another person's point of view, I must've looked like a forlorn figure at a bus stop. 

'Y/N,' a hand touched my shoulder. I quickly stood, letting go of my yukata from my fists. Akaashi was panting, handing me a plastic bag. 'You didn't get to finish your takoyaki from earlier.. so I got you a new one.'

'You don't have to do that!' I said guiltily, but still taking the plastic bag anyway. The plastic was warm, and I saw two takoyaki boxes inside. 'This is a lot of takoyaki.'

'I thought it would make you feel better.' He said, regaining his breath.

'What do you mean?'

'You were crying, weren't you?' he said, quickly averting his eyes to someplace else. 'I won't ask you why.. but I hope you get better.' He looked at me.

My chest swelled and I bit my lips, the tears dangerously close to coming out. Of course, he looked right through me as his face softened, and hugged me. I burst, my wet face burrowing in his chest. Why was he the one comforting me when he was the very reason I cried in the first place? 

For some reason, I find his warmth and the arms around me comforting, easing me into false tranquil for I know the moment he leaves, I would still be hurting but twice as much.

I calmed myself down after some time, and felt his hand patting my head. 'I'm still your friend, if you need help with anything. You know that, right?' I heard him say.

I nodded my head, face still on his chest- rubbing my tears on his yukata in the process. I pulled away and wiped my face with my sleeves. 

'Can we forget that tonight happened?' I said quietly, unable to meet his eyes. Thankfully tomorrow is the weekends, so I didn't have to worry about seeing him at school. 'I look ridiculous when I cry.'

'I can't do that.' Akaashi said, surprising me since he was always agreeing with my requests. I brought up my red glassy eyes to meet his; he had his arms crossed. 'Watching the fireworks with you was.. really nice. I don't want to forget that.'

I smiled through my dry tears, feeling my cheeks pulling. 'I meant me crying.'

A low grumble noise appeared, and we both looked to see a bus coming towards our way. 'Of course,' he smiled, and placed his hand on my head once again. 'Your bus is here, take care.'

As I was about to board the bus, I turned back to him, gambling if he would actually know what I mean. I know I had decided to confess to him the day before my last, but right now seemed appropriate. 'Hey, I think the moon is beautiful tonight.'

He looked up at the sky, and stared at the moon for a while before looking down at me. He gave me a soft smile. 'You're right.'

I don't think he gets it, but that's okay.

I waved him goodbye as I boarded the bus, and sat next to a window where I can see him. As the bus drove away, I watched him as he waved at me until he disappeared from view. My body jolted forwards involuntarily as I began to cough violently. 

A full white flower fell onto my palms, protruding from a small stem. 

***

A/N: I know you guys already know it but!! Just adding here in case some people don't get it: the phrase (japanese phrase) 'the moon is beautiful tonight'/ 'the moon is beautiful, isn't it?' / 'the moon is beautiful' means i love you :) basically you guys were confessing to him!! but i dont think akaashi gets it :/ hehe anyways i hope you enjoyed this short chapter <3


	9. chapter nine

I had ten days left to live, in which I had spent the remaining days spending as much time as I could with Himari, Akaashi and my family. The coughing got worse, too, but I tried my best to hold it in so that nobody would be concerned and force me to get checked at the hospital. For the last few days, I began counting on the calendar again, crossing the dates with red crosses as it approached 21st of July. I was mentally preparing to leave everything behind, though sometimes the thought of never seeing my parents again broke me. Saving the waterworks for the last day, I slung my backpack and headed out of the house for school. 

Holding a white flower I coughed out this morning, today would be finally the day I confess to Akaashi.

***

The rest of the day went agonizingly slow, making me jitter at my own seat at the thought of confessing to Akaashi after school. Unfortunately it had started raining, so it would be harder for me to look for him among hundreds of students under umbrellas. I felt extremely tired today, nearly falling asleep multiple times during class. I even stumbled a few times while walking. I was definitely running out of time..

During recess, Himari dragged a chair to my table and sat, setting her bento box on the table. 

'You're awfully quiet today.' She said as she began to eat her food.

I took out my food and offered her. 'You can have some of mine if you want.'

'What?' Himari choked before hitting her chest a couple of times. 'The day you share your food is the end of the world.' 

'It is for me,' I said jokingly and ate my food. I listened to her rants and gossips for the rest of the break, not saying anything much as I just wanted to listen today. My heart felt heavy as she walked back to her table, trying my best to forget the fact that today would be the last day I'd be able to see her. 

When the bell finally rang signalling the end of the last period, I took out my umbrella and walked downstairs with Himari. 

'Hey, I have to meet Akaashi, so you can go first.'

'Oh?' Himari grinned, and said goodbye but I caught her wrist. I pulled her into a tight hug. 'Y/N? You.. okay?'

'Yeah, just let me.. hug you for a while.'

We hugged at the bottom of the stairs for a few minutes before letting go of her. I smiled at her, trying to hide my sadness. 'Goodbye.'

'Yeah.. bye, Y/N.' She raised an eyebrow, looking at me weirdly at my change in behaviour. She pinched my cheek. 'See you tomorrow!' 

I watched her as she walked away, until she disappeared from sight. There were too many people coming out of the school at once, so I decided to wait for him just outside the gates where it was better to spot him coming out of the school. Just as I was about to leave, I heard Bokuto shouted my name. 

'Y/N-chan!' he slowly forced his way towards me through the mass of people. 'Who are you waiting for?'

'Hi,' I greeted, suddenly realizing that I would miss his energy around me. 'Is Akaashi with you?'

'Oh, he's at the volleyball gym. We're practicing, though.'

'But school just ended?' I asked, feeling disappointed that I might not be able to see him after all. 

'Yeah, we have a summer tournament coming so the coach wanted practices after school.'

'Then what are you doing here?'

He scratched the back of his head and grinned. 'I forgot something at my class.' 

'Oh, okay, then.. I'll be going now.' I said as I walked towards him.

'Sure, no-' he stopped as I hugged him, and I felt my feet being lifted off the ground. 'You're hugging me! Is everything okay? Akaashi is always stopping me from hugging you because I thought you don't like it but I guess he was just being overprotective.' 

He swung me around and I patted his shoulder a few times so he could place me down again. We pulled away, a grin etched across his face.

'I hope you do well for the tournament!'

'Of course! I'm the ace, after all.' 

He gave me a high-five before waving and jogged to the gym.

Opening my umbrella, I left the school.

***

I must've missed the bus when I waited for Akaashi, so I had to wait for another ten minutes before another bus arrive. My mind began to wander as I stare at a water puddle in front of me, the sound of rain hitting the roof pulling me into a peaceful daydream...

'Y/N!' a strong grip held my arm, surprising me. 'You wanted to see me?'

Akaashi was dripping wet from the rain, having to run all the way from school to the bus stop without umbrella. 

'You're soaking wet!' I brushed off his shoulders uselessly. 'Why'd you have to come all the way here? You need to stop doing that.' Not that you could anyway, after this.

'So? What is it that you want to tell me?' He asked eagerly, running his hands through his wet hair to remove the water. 

I fell quiet, feeling the pressure building up on me. My heart began thumping, the beating deaf against the rain. 'I want to tell you something about me..' I began, fidgeting my fingers behind my back. My eyes went back to the water puddle from before. Suddenly, it was very hard for me to speak. 'I've been having it for some time, now.. at first I thought you knew-'

'How much time do you have left?' He said suddenly, his eyes devoid of emotions as I looked at him, stunned. 

'Wh- what do you mean?' I hesitated, unsure if what he asked was what I was thinking. 

'You and.. the Hanahaki disease.' He replied, his stare still as hard. 'I had suspicions when I first saw that petal between your hair.. and then your coughing got worse.'

'You.. and you didn't say anything?'

'Weren't you avoiding it? You tried so hard to hide your coughing.' He said, and I felt a jab at my heart. 'And I don't have any rights to force the topic on you..'

We went silent for a while before he spoke again. 'Let me help you, who's the guy? I can help him to talk-'

'No, you can't.' I said more harshly than I intended to. 

'You don't know that if we don't try-' he raised his voice slightly, probably taken aback at my provocative tone. 

'I already did!' I yelled through the increasing noise of the rain beating down the roof. 'I tried for three months, but nothing has changed.'

'What-'

'It's you, Akaashi! It's you!' I forced my confession through my tears. 'The petals you had been picking out from my hair was because of you. They were all for you.'

He stood frozen, his mouth slightly agape with his eyes widened. 

'I'm here to tell you that I l-love you before I go.' I sobbed, taking out the white flower from my pocket. I looked at it sadly through my blurry vision. 'I don't want anything else, I'm glad that we're friends. I think being friends with you is really beautiful, and that was what I need.'

'Before you go? What do you mean?' He held my shoulders tightly. 'How long do you have left?'

'I..' I hesitated, but then I saw his eyes hardened. 'Tomorrow is my last.'

'Tomorrow?' he repeated in disbelief. 'Tomorrow when? Do you have a specific time?'

'I- I don't know.. the first time it happened was 12 in the morning, so I guess-'

'Basically today is your last day. As soon as the clock hits 12 a.m. you're going to die.'

'Akaashi..'

'Have a surgery.' He said simply. 

'What? I can't do that.' I pushed his hands away.

'Why not? It's the only way to save you with the little time we have left.'

'We? It's just me,' I said, my temper rising. 'I'm not going for a surgery, I decided that long ago. I don't want to forget you.'

'Well, I'm not going to wait for you to die, either.' He insisted, clenching his fists. 'We can just be friends again after the surgery. I'll go to you.'

'Akaashi,' I said firmly, taking a deep breath. 'This is my choice to decide. You can't force me to save myself. I don't want it.'

'I don't want you to die because of me!' He said frustratingly. He grabbed my shoulders again. 'Please, I beg you, go for a surgery.'

'I'm not dying because of you. I made the choice of loving you, and that's something I won't regret or save myself from.' I pushed his hands off my shoulders and placed the white flower I had been holding onto his palm. 'Akaashi.. if there's any way I would like to die, it's this. It isn't tragic, it's beautiful.'

'How is this beautiful..' Akaashi whispered, his hand limping to the side helplessly as he looked at the flower on his palm. 

I heard the groaning of a bus from afar, closing in the distance between us. 

'Loving you was beautiful.' 

I braved myself and leaned forwards, and gave him a kiss on the cheek just as the bus pulled up. Akaashi stood frozen at the spot, his head hanging down. I got on the bus and didn't look his way until the bus drove away. 

I broke down crying at my seat, the sounds of my sobbing drowning away with the beating of the rain. 

***


	10. chapter ten

That night after dinner, I immediately went to my room and collapsed on the bed. My body was heavy and I could barely walk straight without stumbling. I was hoping to spend some more time with my parents, but my body was too weak to even stay upright. I didn't even had time to sweep away the white flowers collected around my bed. Quickly tucking myself to bed, I closed my eyes and tried to remember my life as much as I could before finally meeting my deadline. 

It was 10:15 p.m., I had around 2 hours before the clock strikes 12 a.m.. I calmed myself down and thought about all the times I had spent talking to Akaashi. Slowly, my surroundings began to blend in together, blocking out all the noise from outside. 

_You look pretty, Y/N. ___

____

I smiled to myself. Oddly enough, I felt at peace. I wasn't nervous, and suddenly waiting for my death was all I ever wanted. I'm finally so close to freeing myself from this beautiful curse, which is better than having to forget Akaashi and the love I felt for him. If I were to live tomorrow without being able to fall in love with him again.. I'd rather die. 

'I'm so..' I said softly, my exhausted body pulling me into oblivion. '...sleepy.'

***

'I couldn't get a hold of you!' Akaashi said as soon as the door of Y/N's house opened, revealing a confused Mr. L/N. 

'I'm sorry.. who are you?' he held the door uncertainly, looking at boy who was hunched over; hands on his knees, breathing heavily.

'Akaashi! What're you doing here at night?' Mrs L/N walked around her husband, concerned at Akaashi's panting state. 'Did you run here?'

'Y/N- she's.. she's...' Akaashi took deep painful breaths. 'She's going to die..'

'Excuse me?' Mr L/N asked incredulously, but Mrs L/N could sense something was wrong as she registered the utter panic look on Akaashi's face. Without saying another word, she beckoned for Akaashi to come in, grabbed her husband's hand and rushed upstairs. 

Mrs Y/N opened the door and switched on the lights, and hurriedly walked towards Y/N sleeping on the bed. Akaashi rushed inside and told Y/N's parents about the Hanahaki disease as fast as he could, which they believed almost instantly as they looked at Y/N's pale body and shallow breathing. 

'We need to get her to the hospital,' Mr L/N said as he turned around to leave the room. 

'I'll carry her,' Akaashi offered as her parents hurried downstairs to start the car. Akaashi looked at Y/N, pushing her hair out of her face, and held her face gently.

'I'm so sorry.. I couldn't reciprocate your feelings.' He hung his head low, feeling somehow ashamed to look at his dying friend. His eyes stung as he felt tears threatening to spill out. 'This is all my fault.. but I don't feel the same way.'

His eyes caught sight of the white flowers all over the foot of her bed, and his heart clenched. She's been suffering all these while? Akaashi let the guilty tears fall silently, as he pursed his lips in frustration. _Why did it have to be me? _he thought desperately, not knowing that that was the very question Y/N had be asking herself, except her feelings were completely opposite of Akaashi's. _She's dying.. I'd never forgive myself if I lose her now.___

___Through blurry eyes, he gingerly carried Y/N with care, his head set at nothing but getting to her to the hospital._ _ _

_____ _

_____ _

***

'Doc, are you sure we're able to finish this up in half an hour?' a nurse appeared next to a doctor, her face frowned in worry as she held out a glove for him to wear.

'Her mom is crying for help.' The doctor said firmly, as one of the nurses pulled down the surgical light. 'We have to try.'

He took a deep breath and held out his hand. 'Scalpel.'

***


	11. chapter eleven

Y/N woke up at a hospital bed one day, with her parents beside her bed. She was told that she came down with a terrible fever until she fainted, and had to stay at the hospital for a few more days before getting released. Himari came a few times to visit, looking guilty and sorry every time she did. Y/N wondered why she looked so fidgety around her, but Himari would always say, 'It's nothing, I'm just glad you're okay.'

Of course, Himari was told everything but Y/N wouldn't know that.

She was soon released, and got back to school normally. 

The day Y/N was supposed to die, Akaashi had came running to her house the moment she fell asleep. Despite knowing that Y/N would absolutely be against of having surgery, he had to disrespect her wishes for he couldn't sit idly for his friend to die, especially when he was the only one who knew about her disease. 

Y/N's parents were horrified, and brought an unconscious Y/N quickly to a hospital, with half an hour left to spare for the surgery before the clock hits 12 a.m.

Inevitably, she lost her feelings for Akaashi and the memories she has had with him for the past 3 months. 

In her current memories, she remembered being the only mentor for the mentor-mentee program, and that a boy from class 2-6 will be joining alongside her. 

Y/N walked into Class 2-6, asking for an 'Akaashi Keiji? Is he here?'

A pair of blue eyes looked up from his book and their eyes met.

***

I sat down next to him and placed my books on the table, waiting for our mentees to show up.

'Y/N from Class 2-5.' I held out a hand and smiled. 'Nice to meet you, I'll be in your care.'

He froze for a second, looking at me as if I had said something weird before recollecting himself. He shook my hand. 'Akaashi Keiji. I'll do my best.' My eyes lingered on his for a while; the small voice at the back of my mind telling me that those blue eyes were somewhat familiar. 

While waiting for our mentees to arrive, I scanned through the worksheets given to us beforehand, while he rummaged through his bag when a white flower fell out between his books as he pulled them out. It landed near my feet, so I bent down and picked it up. 

'Pretty,' I said as I handed it back to him. 

He took it back gingerly, looking at it with a painful look. 'Someone really special gave it to me.' 

'Oh?' I said as I returned my attention to the worksheets again. 'Good for you.'

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him frozen at his seat, staring at the white flower. 

'I'm sorry,' he suddenly said, and I looked at him hesitantly. I couldn't tell if he was saying it to me, or he accidentally said his thoughts out loud, but his eyes were too serious for me to doubt it. 

I looked around me. He didn't move either, which put me in an awkward position. 'Um... about what?' 

'Nothing, just...' He trailed off, probably realizing that he had been weird as he looked at me with uncertainty. 'Just in case.'

After that we went silent, and our mentees finally arrived and took their seats around the table. I began to pass out the worksheets to them when Akaashi poked my arm. 

I turned to look at him.

He stared at me, his eyes filled with something I couldn't understand. For a second, he looked sad but I disregarded it since that would absurd. 

He pulled out something from his bag. 'Do you want onigiri?'

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love hurting myself this way and i might do an alternative ending if i have the mood. 
> 
> i think i dragged out so many unnecessary parts tho but oh well. most importantly thank you!!! ❤️


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